The return of No. 3

Hello.
Hello.

So. Could you give us a quick introduction to who you are?
No.

Why not?
I don’t feel like it.

But this is an interview.
Yes, and that means that you should be asking leading questions, not that I’m supposed to do your job and make things up.

Ok… Let’s approach this from another angle. Why Murderer No. 3?
There are already two murderers, and I’m the mascot that sits on their table. Hence No. 3.

And will you be a regular fixture on the blog from now on?
I’m not sure. That’s the plan. But things can always change – say that the Murderers get tired of this format. Then I may take on another role. We’ve talked about opening up our own kebab place: “Kebab - made from the Murderers murders”.

That sounds really disgusting.
You haven’t tried it yet.

That’s true, but with that name…
Sod off.

How about something personal? What do you do on your spare time?
I mostly sit around at the Murderers desk and stare at people.

Ok, so here’s another question we’ve all be asking ourselves – why are they called the Murderers? Isn’t that a little bit of a morbid nickname?
Well it’s a long story, and well… if I told you then I would frankly have to kill you. Sorry about that, but I’m sworn to secrecy,

Anything else you would like to add?
Yes. This is the most stupid interview I’ve ever been part of. I’m a plastic toy that isn’t alive and that can either talk or write, so you’re making this whole thing up by yourself.

No we’re not
Yes you are.

Well if we are, then why won’t you stop talking.
Because you keep writing stuff that I can't be saying. So stop it!

Ok then. This is getting a bit old anyway…